Post by Josh on Jun 14, 2009 20:57:35 GMT -8
More old journal entries from Junes past:
June 5, 1994
I have been rescued. The shepherd came out onto the rocky crags to retrieve me from the despair and selfishness I freely wallowed in.
June 7, 1994
I wish I could just talk for five minutes with the Josh of the future. But, then, that wouldn’t be right. That wouldn’t be faith and hope.
June 16, 1994
It seems like God has been saying just one thing to me for a while now: You just can’t get it right and that is all right. Rely on my love and strength.
I find that when I listen I actually fall into less sin because loving Him for His love helps me really hate sin. It is not easy to struggle against something you secretly love, but if you hate something, you will go to almost any length to destroy it. I am learning to hate all sin.
June 1996
All humans are given a package of heredity and environment, over which they have little or no control, but their Creator also gives them some margin of freedom to act on what they have been given.
If we have no control over what we become, why should we desire it so desperately?
It is important, in dealing with personality, to distinguish actions from dispositions. Natural tendencies will always influence a person, but the struggle is not in removing them (which may be impossible), it is simply in channeling them.
June 1998
I have been persuaded to adopt an old-earth creationist viewpoint after my reading of “The Fingerprint of God” by Hugh Ross and another- “A New Look at an Old Earth” by Don Stoner. Frankly, my mind is liberated from many vexing questions. Although new ones do arise.
Life is full of inconveniences. Stop praying so much to be delivered from petty things- going through them will make us better. Accept delays and fumbles, traffic, and minor aches and pains, and get about doing the Lord’s work!
June 21, 1999
First day a Portland State University. For some reason I had anticipated the onslaught of the secular, humanist, and relativist but instead found spiritual encouragement. I went to the University bookstore and found “The Meaning of Jesus” by NT Wright and Marcus Borg being used as a text. I was greatly surprised to see Orthodox Christianity (presented by Wright) holding its own (kicking butt, actually) in 1999 Academia.
June 25, 1999
About the homeless here in Portland, particularly Mr. Goodfairy: I am struck by the awareness of God among these people. Most of them expressed some degree of relationship with Him- not bitterness, but trust. And most of them weren’t cynical to our message or our clean-cut looks and Gore-tex jackets. It was like we could just join their group. God’s preferential option for the poor. I can see even clearer now why Jesus chose similar crowds to hang around- there is a sense of realness, the fake gloss of possessions stripped away.
A story from downtown: J---- thought he asked a Hispanic man (in Spanish) if he would like to pray with him What he really asked was if he could pee with him. He was confused when the man seemed shocked and pointed at a nearby wall.
June 28, 1999
Wrestling with the issue of healing today. It’s not so much my particular infirmity, just the principle. I want to believe that God can and will heal as a sign of His love and to bolster faith. I can understand God not always healing, or even only sometimes, but the incidences in my experience are woefully close to nil. I’m talking miraculous healing. It could be as simple as instantaneous relief of a sore throat or as hefty as the unexplained removal of a tumor, I don’t care. I just don’t consider most “gradual” healings miraculous in the strictest sense.
So, what is the purpose of healing and what is to be my attitude about it? Always leave room for the miraculous but be prepared to deal with a harsher reality. That’s been my approach, but there has been so little miraculous. I don’t think lack of faith is the key problem. God, I’m not trying to be picky, but I want to see some real physical healing... sometime.
June 29, 1999
It is so crazy how humans are in such a state of unrest and tension. We don’t live like the animals- single minded and at peace with themselves. But that’s the whole point. That reveals our dangerous gift of awareness and the responsibility it requires. People! They are frustrating and lovable all at once. Humans are the only true oddity in the physical universe.
I guess I’ve come past argument. Christianity clearly seems the best explanation of the human condition and the most favorable to me. It is the only worldview with sufficient evidence as its scaffolding. There are ambiguities and areas of doubt, but that would not matter so much if I knew the Lord’s clear presence. The problem is that the Truth has not been very fully tested in my life. I presume that “knowing God” is like “knowing” my wife or my friend, i.e., growing in deeper understanding and trust of that person. But at times I wonder where God is, whereas I’ve never wondered where the others are. They are clearly there whether I am pleased with them or not. Now, when I perceive that God is chastening me I LOVE it, even if it is excruciating, because it validates His existence. But silence is difficult. I keep hoping He’ll get more outspoken, but maybe I’m off track. (Even Isaiah said He is surely a God who hides Himself) At any rate, He seems to indicate that we can know the height, depth, and length of His love- in fact, He promised that it was possible. So, the only questions remaining must be- “What is my role in this?” or “How will I get there” Is it a process or something else?
June 5, 1994
I have been rescued. The shepherd came out onto the rocky crags to retrieve me from the despair and selfishness I freely wallowed in.
June 7, 1994
I wish I could just talk for five minutes with the Josh of the future. But, then, that wouldn’t be right. That wouldn’t be faith and hope.
June 16, 1994
It seems like God has been saying just one thing to me for a while now: You just can’t get it right and that is all right. Rely on my love and strength.
I find that when I listen I actually fall into less sin because loving Him for His love helps me really hate sin. It is not easy to struggle against something you secretly love, but if you hate something, you will go to almost any length to destroy it. I am learning to hate all sin.
June 1996
All humans are given a package of heredity and environment, over which they have little or no control, but their Creator also gives them some margin of freedom to act on what they have been given.
If we have no control over what we become, why should we desire it so desperately?
It is important, in dealing with personality, to distinguish actions from dispositions. Natural tendencies will always influence a person, but the struggle is not in removing them (which may be impossible), it is simply in channeling them.
June 1998
I have been persuaded to adopt an old-earth creationist viewpoint after my reading of “The Fingerprint of God” by Hugh Ross and another- “A New Look at an Old Earth” by Don Stoner. Frankly, my mind is liberated from many vexing questions. Although new ones do arise.
Life is full of inconveniences. Stop praying so much to be delivered from petty things- going through them will make us better. Accept delays and fumbles, traffic, and minor aches and pains, and get about doing the Lord’s work!
June 21, 1999
First day a Portland State University. For some reason I had anticipated the onslaught of the secular, humanist, and relativist but instead found spiritual encouragement. I went to the University bookstore and found “The Meaning of Jesus” by NT Wright and Marcus Borg being used as a text. I was greatly surprised to see Orthodox Christianity (presented by Wright) holding its own (kicking butt, actually) in 1999 Academia.
June 25, 1999
About the homeless here in Portland, particularly Mr. Goodfairy: I am struck by the awareness of God among these people. Most of them expressed some degree of relationship with Him- not bitterness, but trust. And most of them weren’t cynical to our message or our clean-cut looks and Gore-tex jackets. It was like we could just join their group. God’s preferential option for the poor. I can see even clearer now why Jesus chose similar crowds to hang around- there is a sense of realness, the fake gloss of possessions stripped away.
A story from downtown: J---- thought he asked a Hispanic man (in Spanish) if he would like to pray with him What he really asked was if he could pee with him. He was confused when the man seemed shocked and pointed at a nearby wall.
June 28, 1999
Wrestling with the issue of healing today. It’s not so much my particular infirmity, just the principle. I want to believe that God can and will heal as a sign of His love and to bolster faith. I can understand God not always healing, or even only sometimes, but the incidences in my experience are woefully close to nil. I’m talking miraculous healing. It could be as simple as instantaneous relief of a sore throat or as hefty as the unexplained removal of a tumor, I don’t care. I just don’t consider most “gradual” healings miraculous in the strictest sense.
So, what is the purpose of healing and what is to be my attitude about it? Always leave room for the miraculous but be prepared to deal with a harsher reality. That’s been my approach, but there has been so little miraculous. I don’t think lack of faith is the key problem. God, I’m not trying to be picky, but I want to see some real physical healing... sometime.
June 29, 1999
It is so crazy how humans are in such a state of unrest and tension. We don’t live like the animals- single minded and at peace with themselves. But that’s the whole point. That reveals our dangerous gift of awareness and the responsibility it requires. People! They are frustrating and lovable all at once. Humans are the only true oddity in the physical universe.
I guess I’ve come past argument. Christianity clearly seems the best explanation of the human condition and the most favorable to me. It is the only worldview with sufficient evidence as its scaffolding. There are ambiguities and areas of doubt, but that would not matter so much if I knew the Lord’s clear presence. The problem is that the Truth has not been very fully tested in my life. I presume that “knowing God” is like “knowing” my wife or my friend, i.e., growing in deeper understanding and trust of that person. But at times I wonder where God is, whereas I’ve never wondered where the others are. They are clearly there whether I am pleased with them or not. Now, when I perceive that God is chastening me I LOVE it, even if it is excruciating, because it validates His existence. But silence is difficult. I keep hoping He’ll get more outspoken, but maybe I’m off track. (Even Isaiah said He is surely a God who hides Himself) At any rate, He seems to indicate that we can know the height, depth, and length of His love- in fact, He promised that it was possible. So, the only questions remaining must be- “What is my role in this?” or “How will I get there” Is it a process or something else?
