Watchermike
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Post by Watchermike on Mar 16, 2013 16:10:36 GMT -8
My wife has this problem and it's cry for attention. I pay close attention to her because of her health problems but she is annoying 90% of the times. She drives me nuts! About crying wolf though I can't ignore her because of her health problems.
Anybody?
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Post by Josh on Mar 18, 2013 10:35:59 GMT -8
I think I have always had a touch of the hypochondriac in me, so I might be able to contribute something helpful here. But I'll need to ponder it a bit first... |
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Watchermike
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Post by Watchermike on Mar 18, 2013 17:22:53 GMT -8
Josh, Yes ... ponder!
Thanks brother
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Post by Josh on Mar 18, 2013 20:39:51 GMT -8
Well, here's a question and a suggestion: Does she think she complains about physical ailments in order to get attention?
If she can admit that, have a candid conversation about the attention she feels she needs and then make some agreements about how to give her that attention without her appealing to or complaining about general physical ailments. Like make some agreements about time to spend together doing something or talking about something positive so the needs are met without the psychosomatic attention seeking.
It also might be good to have a conversation about how too much focus on pain is robbing her of joy and purpose and the chance to minister to others. Thinking of others and helping others is a good way for those tempted with psychosomatic fixations to "get out of their own heads" and stop being so self-absorbed.
Just some random suggestions for what they are worth, from someone who has at times been paranoid and way too preoccupied with his own health, worries, and fears.
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Watchermike
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Living for the Lord
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How did you find the Aletheia Forums?: You sent a E-mail (Thank God)
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Post by Watchermike on Mar 19, 2013 16:30:18 GMT -8
The answer would be "yes".
This would be a real touchy subject since she would be the last person to admit to this problem. She gets real defensive when it gets brought up. So it's not brought up very often. When it was brought up last by someone else she expected me to stick up for her. I didn't because she was in the wrong and the outcome was a threat of divorce, so I shamefully back down and said sorry. I don't want divorce I want her to take responsibility for her problem and get help. I'm really getting tired of saying sorry when I really don't mean it.
I was once told to call her on it but that doesn't always work out for the best.
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Post by Josh on Mar 19, 2013 16:51:11 GMT -8
Suggestions/ Reminders, easier said than done:
Continue to lavish her with attention sacrificially and without keeping record, but simultaneously be honest with her from time to time (sparingly) about your concern that the behavior might be coming out of a need for something else that might be better satisfied in some other way from you or from God. And pray that she would have the revelation herself, but stay the course whether she does or not.
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Post by Josh on Mar 19, 2013 17:01:15 GMT -8
I'd like to add that for I think the roots of hypochondria run very deep and are formed very early, so you should expect them to be difficult to pull up- and pulling harder is not the solution. They may never be fully pulled up this side of heaven. But still we should expect that the Holy Spirit in us can bring about change and health starting right now every day.
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Watchermike
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Living for the Lord
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Post by Watchermike on Mar 19, 2013 17:52:25 GMT -8
Thanks Josh,
I think my approach to her problem might be very limited. I know I can't change her, only myself.
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Post by stevekimes on Nov 16, 2013 18:18:38 GMT -8
You can also choose what you respond to and how you respond to it. You can tell her that there are certain issues you won't discuss and you can ask that she not bring them up to you. Obviously, that can't be everything health related, but you can limit certain subjects. You can also say that you won't discuss health subjects with her unless she sees a doctor. These are just suggestions, I don't know the situation.
The important thing is set boundaries that are reasonable and allow you not to go insane.
Note this: if her hypochondria is a compulsion, she may not be able to control her concern about that. If that's the case, you can talk to her about anxiety and see a professional about that. If you can find a sneaky way to speak to her about anxiety or OCD and not her health obsession, which is touchy. Tricky stuff, indeed.
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Watchermike
Intermediate Member
Living for the Lord
Posts: 77
How did you find the Aletheia Forums?: You sent a E-mail (Thank God)
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Post by Watchermike on Nov 16, 2013 19:54:43 GMT -8
Thanks for your input guys. I tried to talk her into talking to a therapist but it took for the time she was in the hospital. She hasn't walked in almost six months because of the lack of therapy while in and out of the hospital. She has to see the therapist as an out patient.
I'll keep on praying though.
God bless
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