Post by Josh on May 17, 2009 21:02:21 GMT -8
Some more from my old journals, Mays past:
May 8, 2000
Steve reminded me tonight that faith centers on Jesus’ resurrection. If He rose from the dead in God’s power, what is there that is too impossible for God? Even the most hopelessly screwed up parts of our innermost nature must submit to His mighty, loving hand.
May 25, 2000
God, I am floundering in confusion. Intellect and experience are failing me just now. What is doctrine? It seems like a maze of dead-ends. And my own journey brings up more questions than answers. I don’t feel like fighting anymore. Come rescue me, Shepherd! Come quickly to my aid.
I cannot see straight. Sophisms and illusions abound. Jesus is the only anchor, but I can’t say I am even sure of His presence. I have milestones of times You spoke, but again, I feel lost in the mist. If You are showing me anything, it is that nothing can be banked on- except perhaps You. When we speak of prophecy and healing and apologetics and psychology we blow so much hot air. We don’t have much of a clue. But You- be real to me Jesus!
May 28, 2000
After writing the preceding entry, I went straight to typing old journal entries and immediately read the entry from March 15, 1991. I felt the Holy Spirit whispering to me powerfully through my own words. “One day this will all be over and I will be at utmost peace knowing everything is set in it’s place and we’ll all know the real You without any symbolism to get in the way. We will know You!”
May 29, 2000
Again, God has shown me that He delights in performing what my heart secretly declares impossible.
May 31, 2000
“Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children” Our motivation in respect to holiness should be simple. Our arrogance and our trepidation both miss the point. We become like God in wholehearted adoration of Him- longing to be in any way possible like daddy.
May 28, 2001
“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we all ‘ourselves’, to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be ‘good’. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way- centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you could not do” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I read these words on the plane (with Rose) coming back from San Diego. My mind has been occupied greatly with money, pleasure, and ambition- trying to get ahead, trying to “figure it all out”. And it has pulled me away from the path.
May 8, 2000
Steve reminded me tonight that faith centers on Jesus’ resurrection. If He rose from the dead in God’s power, what is there that is too impossible for God? Even the most hopelessly screwed up parts of our innermost nature must submit to His mighty, loving hand.
May 25, 2000
God, I am floundering in confusion. Intellect and experience are failing me just now. What is doctrine? It seems like a maze of dead-ends. And my own journey brings up more questions than answers. I don’t feel like fighting anymore. Come rescue me, Shepherd! Come quickly to my aid.
I cannot see straight. Sophisms and illusions abound. Jesus is the only anchor, but I can’t say I am even sure of His presence. I have milestones of times You spoke, but again, I feel lost in the mist. If You are showing me anything, it is that nothing can be banked on- except perhaps You. When we speak of prophecy and healing and apologetics and psychology we blow so much hot air. We don’t have much of a clue. But You- be real to me Jesus!
May 28, 2000
After writing the preceding entry, I went straight to typing old journal entries and immediately read the entry from March 15, 1991. I felt the Holy Spirit whispering to me powerfully through my own words. “One day this will all be over and I will be at utmost peace knowing everything is set in it’s place and we’ll all know the real You without any symbolism to get in the way. We will know You!”
May 29, 2000
Again, God has shown me that He delights in performing what my heart secretly declares impossible.
May 31, 2000
“Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children” Our motivation in respect to holiness should be simple. Our arrogance and our trepidation both miss the point. We become like God in wholehearted adoration of Him- longing to be in any way possible like daddy.
May 28, 2001
“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self- all your wishes and precautions- to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we all ‘ourselves’, to keep personal happiness as our great aim in life, and yet at the same time be ‘good’. We are all trying to let our mind and heart go their own way- centered on money or pleasure or ambition- and hoping, in spite of this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you could not do” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I read these words on the plane (with Rose) coming back from San Diego. My mind has been occupied greatly with money, pleasure, and ambition- trying to get ahead, trying to “figure it all out”. And it has pulled me away from the path.