Post by Josh on May 2, 2009 13:59:36 GMT -8
Some old journal entries from Mays long gone:
May 25, 1992
Nightmares and seemingly unanswered prayer can be a great blessing.
May 31, 1993
The trouble about Truth is that it is so easily distorted.
May 1, 1994
A good companion loves what you love because you love it.
May 9, 1994
Laying in the dark singing, while Steve played piano, our hearts all quiet and still in peace.
May 18, 1994
The day was beautiful; the conversation better.
May 21, 1994
True spirituality is a combination of all things emotional, physical, and intellectual with the necessary addition of the Holy Spirit of God.
May 7, 1995
God likes to give us light only for the next few steps.
May 15, 1995
I feel like I haven’t captured even a small fraction of what these days are like: learning, even when it hurts, learning to rest my head in sleep each night in resolution whether I am sad, happy, uneasy, or at peace. Working hard- many responsibilities. Trying to sort things out. Learning. Feeling the weight of the uncertainty of the future, longing to know what will be but pressing on day by day. Trying to live by the Truth at all times. I will be patient and wait in peace as the short hours pass. I will trust. I will devote my mind to good things. I will put my hope in God. Trusting, doubting, then realizing it is all I can do to hold on to Him. Trying to be content in God. Realizing my imperfections are too numerous to count. Realizing God is in so many ways a mystery to me. Realizing grace is deeper and wider than I can fathom. Sometimes I feel empty, but more often full these days. Sometimes waking up from a nap in fear of what, I don’t know, and then remembering I have my God.
May 2, 1996
Now I am sitting in my room late at night... packing! Packing my belonging (some things I’ve had nearly all my life), getting ready to say good-bye to a room that has witnessed my struggles, joys, many tears, many prayers, restless nights, and some wonderful dreams. I will never again be a child of this house. It is scary but it is life. A part of me wishes we did not have to grow up. I long for eternal constancy yet I want to try the other roles as well. I want to be a husband. I want to be a father. I am excited and nervous for what lies ahead.
It is interesting how much I long for heaven these days. It’s like getting married is giving me a taste of eternity and I want to be in a place of love and warmth that goes on forever- a place where all the unanswered questions and wrong turns all come out right in the end.
Time never stops. It marches always. It can blow your mind if you think about it long enough. But in heaven there won’t be time like that. No one will grow old. No one will grow cold.
May 19, 1997
Each of us have trials to face, but those who think a lot have more.
When it all comes down, a person has to make a choice between meaning or meaninglessness. In whatever struggles you are facing, realize that your heart is crying out for Meaning! and that the crying out is built in you for a reason.
May 20, 1998
Got to meet Larry Norman. His concert intrigued me with its history and honesty.
May 28, 1998
Life is not easy
Sometimes happy, sometimes sad
But in Thursanthia*
Life was always an adventure
Both the good and the bad
May 17, 1999
For all our struggles and the world turning into a much harsher place that we had expected, we are now so much more like the Son of God than we have ever been. He is rounding our characters, taking hard stone and working it like clay.
Bonhoeffer speaks of “driving the dark shades of night and the confusions of our dreams” away through morning prayer. For a long time I questioned God about the incongruity of my dreams with my spiritual life, but now I see them as an opportunity to put the discipline of prayer into practice.
May 20, 1999
I have deep love for God- I am “God-haunted” as Bonhoeffer points out.
But I also find in me a deep resentment toward Him. It is startling at times.
*A reference to our old Thursday night studies, an earlier incarnation of Aletheia.
May 25, 1992
Nightmares and seemingly unanswered prayer can be a great blessing.
May 31, 1993
The trouble about Truth is that it is so easily distorted.
May 1, 1994
A good companion loves what you love because you love it.
May 9, 1994
Laying in the dark singing, while Steve played piano, our hearts all quiet and still in peace.
May 18, 1994
The day was beautiful; the conversation better.
May 21, 1994
True spirituality is a combination of all things emotional, physical, and intellectual with the necessary addition of the Holy Spirit of God.
May 7, 1995
God likes to give us light only for the next few steps.
May 15, 1995
I feel like I haven’t captured even a small fraction of what these days are like: learning, even when it hurts, learning to rest my head in sleep each night in resolution whether I am sad, happy, uneasy, or at peace. Working hard- many responsibilities. Trying to sort things out. Learning. Feeling the weight of the uncertainty of the future, longing to know what will be but pressing on day by day. Trying to live by the Truth at all times. I will be patient and wait in peace as the short hours pass. I will trust. I will devote my mind to good things. I will put my hope in God. Trusting, doubting, then realizing it is all I can do to hold on to Him. Trying to be content in God. Realizing my imperfections are too numerous to count. Realizing God is in so many ways a mystery to me. Realizing grace is deeper and wider than I can fathom. Sometimes I feel empty, but more often full these days. Sometimes waking up from a nap in fear of what, I don’t know, and then remembering I have my God.
May 2, 1996
Now I am sitting in my room late at night... packing! Packing my belonging (some things I’ve had nearly all my life), getting ready to say good-bye to a room that has witnessed my struggles, joys, many tears, many prayers, restless nights, and some wonderful dreams. I will never again be a child of this house. It is scary but it is life. A part of me wishes we did not have to grow up. I long for eternal constancy yet I want to try the other roles as well. I want to be a husband. I want to be a father. I am excited and nervous for what lies ahead.
It is interesting how much I long for heaven these days. It’s like getting married is giving me a taste of eternity and I want to be in a place of love and warmth that goes on forever- a place where all the unanswered questions and wrong turns all come out right in the end.
Time never stops. It marches always. It can blow your mind if you think about it long enough. But in heaven there won’t be time like that. No one will grow old. No one will grow cold.
May 19, 1997
Each of us have trials to face, but those who think a lot have more.
When it all comes down, a person has to make a choice between meaning or meaninglessness. In whatever struggles you are facing, realize that your heart is crying out for Meaning! and that the crying out is built in you for a reason.
May 20, 1998
Got to meet Larry Norman. His concert intrigued me with its history and honesty.
May 28, 1998
Life is not easy
Sometimes happy, sometimes sad
But in Thursanthia*
Life was always an adventure
Both the good and the bad
May 17, 1999
For all our struggles and the world turning into a much harsher place that we had expected, we are now so much more like the Son of God than we have ever been. He is rounding our characters, taking hard stone and working it like clay.
Bonhoeffer speaks of “driving the dark shades of night and the confusions of our dreams” away through morning prayer. For a long time I questioned God about the incongruity of my dreams with my spiritual life, but now I see them as an opportunity to put the discipline of prayer into practice.
May 20, 1999
I have deep love for God- I am “God-haunted” as Bonhoeffer points out.
But I also find in me a deep resentment toward Him. It is startling at times.
*A reference to our old Thursday night studies, an earlier incarnation of Aletheia.