Post by Josh on Apr 20, 2009 20:39:11 GMT -8
Some selections from my old journals:
April 7, 1999
I just recently blitzed through “Disappointment with God”. Philip Yancey compels me. The insights he presented confirmed so many of my sneaking suspicions that life and reality are really quite different than I’d always thought. Life is a lot harder and there are fewer guarantees than I ever imagined. Realizing the fact that someday God might just permit the unthinkable in my life- you name it: murder, terminal illness, insanity, etc.. is sobering. The “hedge” (Job) is not a given, in fact it is almost certain to give way at one time or another. But somehow it’s okay. We are guaranteed two things only. Someday all will amazingly be made right, a “great reversal”. And God is watching. He is listening to every detail of this life. Whether He crashes through or not, He is there. But beyond that, we cannot say for certain what tomorrow holds.
April 1999
It is uncanny how similar our relationship to God is to a romantic relationship. For example, warm and fuzzy beginning, periods of passion, silence, doubt, fear, renewal. It’s all there.
April 8, 1999
The supernatural seems so damn unreal when I am in pain or anxiety.
April 13, 1999
This evening I am happy. Joyful. What a gift! I feel peace as I sit. The music of Keaggy and Francisco hearkens me back to the reality that the Lord said all creation was good. I watch with childlike fascination as my pipe smoke floats and plays in complex patterns, like a foreign language beautiful and strange. It is like the dance of Elves... or angels. The sun in setting on this lovely day- oh God! Thank You for the promise of Spring. And for life, though I am often forlorn and yet feel many doubts about You. Your creation sure speaks highly of You.
April 17, 1999
I perused the Religion section at Barnes and Noble today- there was a lot of Jesus Seminar Bullshit (do not pardon the language). For all their arguments and those in other even more antagonistic books, not one could tackle the historicity of the Resurrection. Only one (indeed!) even tried to explain it away and it failed quite miserably. When I came home, I scanned the Epistles and was surprised again by their outright authority in regard to the physical resurrection of Jesus Christ. Although I feel some of the Seminar’s skepticism about certain bible stories, I disdain their cavalier approach. (Don’t these guys even want to believe?) And I am relieved to see that the pinnacle (Christ’s resurrection) is unassailable.
April 25, 1999
If He teaches me, it’s always about grace and love. Christ-like love. Fatherly grace. Although most of the time I’d rather he teach me metaphysical answers to age-old questions, He doesn’t seem to notice. No, it’s love and grace. Grace and love. Can’t He get enough of them?
April 5, 2000
Contentions continue until we are consumed by our willingness to admit that we know so little- that the spiritual realm is far bigger than our comprehension. Then we are really able to minister to each other. ‘Ministering’ is holding your brother as he sobs uncontrollably in the midst of a flaming wreck. It is communion and healing.
Easter 2006
Last night, feeling in need of the presence of Christ, I asked God if He might speak to me in a dream.
I didn’t dream of Him; instead I dreamt of an emerald snake that began to attack Rosemary (and our unborn baby). I grabbed the snake by the tail and began savagely swinging it’s head against the wall- whack, whack, whack, not wanting to stop in case it was still alive. It crapped in my hands, still I kept whacking.
I didn’t remember that I had asked God to speak to me in my dream until this afternoon.
April 7, 1999
I just recently blitzed through “Disappointment with God”. Philip Yancey compels me. The insights he presented confirmed so many of my sneaking suspicions that life and reality are really quite different than I’d always thought. Life is a lot harder and there are fewer guarantees than I ever imagined. Realizing the fact that someday God might just permit the unthinkable in my life- you name it: murder, terminal illness, insanity, etc.. is sobering. The “hedge” (Job) is not a given, in fact it is almost certain to give way at one time or another. But somehow it’s okay. We are guaranteed two things only. Someday all will amazingly be made right, a “great reversal”. And God is watching. He is listening to every detail of this life. Whether He crashes through or not, He is there. But beyond that, we cannot say for certain what tomorrow holds.
April 1999
It is uncanny how similar our relationship to God is to a romantic relationship. For example, warm and fuzzy beginning, periods of passion, silence, doubt, fear, renewal. It’s all there.
April 8, 1999
The supernatural seems so damn unreal when I am in pain or anxiety.
April 13, 1999
This evening I am happy. Joyful. What a gift! I feel peace as I sit. The music of Keaggy and Francisco hearkens me back to the reality that the Lord said all creation was good. I watch with childlike fascination as my pipe smoke floats and plays in complex patterns, like a foreign language beautiful and strange. It is like the dance of Elves... or angels. The sun in setting on this lovely day- oh God! Thank You for the promise of Spring. And for life, though I am often forlorn and yet feel many doubts about You. Your creation sure speaks highly of You.
April 17, 1999
I perused the Religion section at Barnes and Noble today- there was a lot of Jesus Seminar Bullshit (do not pardon the language). For all their arguments and those in other even more antagonistic books, not one could tackle the historicity of the Resurrection. Only one (indeed!) even tried to explain it away and it failed quite miserably. When I came home, I scanned the Epistles and was surprised again by their outright authority in regard to the physical resurrection of Jesus Christ. Although I feel some of the Seminar’s skepticism about certain bible stories, I disdain their cavalier approach. (Don’t these guys even want to believe?) And I am relieved to see that the pinnacle (Christ’s resurrection) is unassailable.
April 25, 1999
If He teaches me, it’s always about grace and love. Christ-like love. Fatherly grace. Although most of the time I’d rather he teach me metaphysical answers to age-old questions, He doesn’t seem to notice. No, it’s love and grace. Grace and love. Can’t He get enough of them?
April 5, 2000
Contentions continue until we are consumed by our willingness to admit that we know so little- that the spiritual realm is far bigger than our comprehension. Then we are really able to minister to each other. ‘Ministering’ is holding your brother as he sobs uncontrollably in the midst of a flaming wreck. It is communion and healing.
Easter 2006
Last night, feeling in need of the presence of Christ, I asked God if He might speak to me in a dream.
I didn’t dream of Him; instead I dreamt of an emerald snake that began to attack Rosemary (and our unborn baby). I grabbed the snake by the tail and began savagely swinging it’s head against the wall- whack, whack, whack, not wanting to stop in case it was still alive. It crapped in my hands, still I kept whacking.
I didn’t remember that I had asked God to speak to me in my dream until this afternoon.