Post by Josh on Mar 1, 2009 18:14:52 GMT -8
So, I used to be a journal-writing maniac. Recently, I pulled ‘em out and took a trip down memory lane. I thought I’d share some stuff with you all. Maybe you’ve been a journaler at some point in your life and you don’t mind baring your soul a bit here too- feel free and throw some snippets in- humorous or serious.
As for me, I’m going to go with a month-by-month theme. This is the second installment, "Marches Past" March 1-15 1992-2001. Get ready for the teenage angst and 20-something “place in this world” musings!
March 1, 1994
Lord, I don’t want to lose the sweet communion I am sharing with You. I am learning to hear your voice in every talk we have throughout the day and it is filling all my needs. You are watering a thirsty soul.
About brokenness- every time you ask the Lord to break you, or He does anyway, a choice is presented when the breaking is not yet complete. You can most always stop the pain of the breaking short. The shorter you cut it off, the less joy you receive. In many cases, if you cut it off, you will receive only the heartache. In fact, it will make you fearful of being broken again. Say in your present trial: Lord, finish the breaking so that I will not be lonely. I need Your fellowship and I need your power to bring about Your will in my life. This makes all the difference.
I once thought that when Christ says to surrender all to Him, that He means only a token sacrifice, an ‘attitude of surrender’. Now I know that He intends to take many things from us that He will never return.
March 1, 2000
We are in our new home now. It is quite a change- so much space! So much to do. I’m afraid that I have been easily agitated (or agitating) lately.
I have also been careless with my tongue. I have wounded both my wife and a close friend with foolish comments. God, grant me the will to speak blessing and not cursing.
March 2, 1992
I have learned much these last six months but I have been too busy struggling with doubt and confusion. Lord, please be real to me now!
I have no purpose living life without You. I have many fears within me- drive them out! Lord, I want not just head knowledge, but heart knowledge. There is this veil about me and it makes everything seem like a dizzy dream.
Lord, conquer my fear. Give me strength for tomorrow.
What am I waiting for? A better day? A perfect dream come true? I let these days slip dreamily by; putting my hope in a day that may never come. What about this day? Where did the Lord go? What happened to my fire? Growing up is hard- almost to the point where I feel insane. I’m so confused, but I know I need more. Give me the power I need. If the God above hears my cry- reach down and help this soul of mine!
March 2, 1999
Been reading a collection of meditations by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. God, I’m trying to let myself be lead. I’m trying to “fight my way past the goblin guard” (Tolkien) without demanding things from You that You apparently don’t want me to have.
March 5, 1992
I cannot just decide to get Jesus into my heart. It’s not that simple.
March 7, 2000
I had the privilege of being around Ted Roberts (our pastor) this weekend and it humbled me in no small way to see what a real minister of the Gospel is like. His single-mindedness and sobriety were uncanny, but it was his whole heart for Jesus that impressed me the most. So often I am just playing spiritual leader. The problem is that I don’t believe I am completely abandoned to Christ for more than an hour at a time. My guard is let down so easily. It comes down to selfishness. I am far from Christ’s likeness and example of love, patience, and endurance.
March 8, 2000
I love times of prayer and conversation with others that involve no wrangling, no pretensions, just talk of Christ in us.
March 10, 1999
As Much-Afraid in Hinds Feet in High Places found herself at the Precipice Injury, I find myself at a precipice, though I’m not sure what to name it. I am being challenged to follow Christ on a road that is impossible to tread. My intellect has created walls that give me few options. Desire urges me to go on- to pursue the grand adventure. I am starting to understand faith a little more. I am challenged to live life one day at a time- to identify with Christ from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep. Not to demand the things I demand, to wait on God’s timing and Fatherly care. Not to be timid because in the long run I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
March 1999
I love it when God simultaneously convicts several hearts, separated by miles, of the same thing.
March 1999
Having a child seems like all other calls of God- joyfully overwhelming, dreadfully wonderful, impossibly doable. I shake just thinking about it.
March 13, 1999
Sometimes even with the knowledge of God’s will, the heart just faints. And there are real issues in our relationships with others that cannot be glossed over- love somehow knows how to both rebuke and speak grace at the same time, while not giving up.
Marriage is so funny- one minute you are up the trail. The next, it’s her. How happy it is when you’re both walking together, but I know it all works for the best.
March 15, 1992
There is a knot deep in my soul. I haven’t felt this feeling since summer. I want to cry but I am extremely happy. I don’t know what is going on, but I feel as though I need God right now to finish it all off and seal my feelings with assurance that He is in them too.
As for me, I’m going to go with a month-by-month theme. This is the second installment, "Marches Past" March 1-15 1992-2001. Get ready for the teenage angst and 20-something “place in this world” musings!
March 1, 1994
Lord, I don’t want to lose the sweet communion I am sharing with You. I am learning to hear your voice in every talk we have throughout the day and it is filling all my needs. You are watering a thirsty soul.
About brokenness- every time you ask the Lord to break you, or He does anyway, a choice is presented when the breaking is not yet complete. You can most always stop the pain of the breaking short. The shorter you cut it off, the less joy you receive. In many cases, if you cut it off, you will receive only the heartache. In fact, it will make you fearful of being broken again. Say in your present trial: Lord, finish the breaking so that I will not be lonely. I need Your fellowship and I need your power to bring about Your will in my life. This makes all the difference.
I once thought that when Christ says to surrender all to Him, that He means only a token sacrifice, an ‘attitude of surrender’. Now I know that He intends to take many things from us that He will never return.
March 1, 2000
We are in our new home now. It is quite a change- so much space! So much to do. I’m afraid that I have been easily agitated (or agitating) lately.
I have also been careless with my tongue. I have wounded both my wife and a close friend with foolish comments. God, grant me the will to speak blessing and not cursing.
March 2, 1992
I have learned much these last six months but I have been too busy struggling with doubt and confusion. Lord, please be real to me now!
I have no purpose living life without You. I have many fears within me- drive them out! Lord, I want not just head knowledge, but heart knowledge. There is this veil about me and it makes everything seem like a dizzy dream.
Lord, conquer my fear. Give me strength for tomorrow.
What am I waiting for? A better day? A perfect dream come true? I let these days slip dreamily by; putting my hope in a day that may never come. What about this day? Where did the Lord go? What happened to my fire? Growing up is hard- almost to the point where I feel insane. I’m so confused, but I know I need more. Give me the power I need. If the God above hears my cry- reach down and help this soul of mine!
March 2, 1999
Been reading a collection of meditations by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. God, I’m trying to let myself be lead. I’m trying to “fight my way past the goblin guard” (Tolkien) without demanding things from You that You apparently don’t want me to have.
March 5, 1992
I cannot just decide to get Jesus into my heart. It’s not that simple.
March 7, 2000
I had the privilege of being around Ted Roberts (our pastor) this weekend and it humbled me in no small way to see what a real minister of the Gospel is like. His single-mindedness and sobriety were uncanny, but it was his whole heart for Jesus that impressed me the most. So often I am just playing spiritual leader. The problem is that I don’t believe I am completely abandoned to Christ for more than an hour at a time. My guard is let down so easily. It comes down to selfishness. I am far from Christ’s likeness and example of love, patience, and endurance.
March 8, 2000
I love times of prayer and conversation with others that involve no wrangling, no pretensions, just talk of Christ in us.
March 10, 1999
As Much-Afraid in Hinds Feet in High Places found herself at the Precipice Injury, I find myself at a precipice, though I’m not sure what to name it. I am being challenged to follow Christ on a road that is impossible to tread. My intellect has created walls that give me few options. Desire urges me to go on- to pursue the grand adventure. I am starting to understand faith a little more. I am challenged to live life one day at a time- to identify with Christ from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep. Not to demand the things I demand, to wait on God’s timing and Fatherly care. Not to be timid because in the long run I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
March 1999
I love it when God simultaneously convicts several hearts, separated by miles, of the same thing.
March 1999
Having a child seems like all other calls of God- joyfully overwhelming, dreadfully wonderful, impossibly doable. I shake just thinking about it.
March 13, 1999
Sometimes even with the knowledge of God’s will, the heart just faints. And there are real issues in our relationships with others that cannot be glossed over- love somehow knows how to both rebuke and speak grace at the same time, while not giving up.
Marriage is so funny- one minute you are up the trail. The next, it’s her. How happy it is when you’re both walking together, but I know it all works for the best.
March 15, 1992
There is a knot deep in my soul. I haven’t felt this feeling since summer. I want to cry but I am extremely happy. I don’t know what is going on, but I feel as though I need God right now to finish it all off and seal my feelings with assurance that He is in them too.
