Post by jaybee on May 26, 2016 23:17:49 GMT -8
Grad school has hit me like a ton of brick, and coupled with the events of the last few weeks which I am about to relate, I regret I have not been as active on here as I had wished. Hopefully that will change soon. In the meantime, I wanted to share about what has gone on over the last few weeks.
A few weeks ago, I was at my physical therapist who treats me for my military related injuries. I have seen her off and on for many years. I know she is into yoga and other spiritual type stuff, but it has never come up. She knows that I am a Christian, we have our therapy appointments, and there has never been an issue.
At this last appointment, we finished early, and I still had about 10 minutes left in my one hour block. She told me that she had been learning craniosacral massage recently, and asked if I wanted to try it. She explained that it is relaxing scalp massage, and she has been thinking of moving into using it as therapy for veterans with PTSD. I said I'd try it.
Physically, it felt nice. I suppose who wouldn't like a scalp massage. But halfway through I suddenly felt extreme discomfort in my spirit and mind, it was almost physical it was so strong. I began to pray, not knowing what was going on. The massage still felt physically good.
After the massage, she asked how it was, and I told her it felt good. She then went on to tell me how the massage technique incorporates a spiritual aspect to it and she uses energy connections while giving the massage. There was more to it than that, but I don't remember it all. It made me realize why I might have felt spiritual discomfort.
I left the appointment feeling physically great, but spiritually off. I could not put my finger on it. From that evening, and over the next several weeks I experienced the worst intrusive thoughts I have had in years (new things, but mostly attacking my weak points from my old life - drugs, alcohol, and sex cravings). Crazy thoughts and urges battled me, to the point I feared I would give in! I began to pray constantly, my sleep was off, even my wife commented about how worn out I was looking. I felt exhausted, and noticed I began to be short with people and angry. Additionally, my mind became cloudy, and I found myself struggling with reading and discerning the Bible.
I just continued to pray, and push on in life. Given that I was mentally not able to study much, I turned to finishing an office I am building in my house. The manual labor was easier, and the whole time I spent praying and fighting in my head as I was having intrusive thoughts 24/7 at this point.
Finally, late last week, things began to breakthrough it seemed, and a couple of interesting things happened. First, I went to a lumber yard on Saturday to get some things for the office, and I was lost in my head. When I pulled up, there was an employee there who was Native American. He asked me as soon as I got out of my truck if I was a cage fighter, to which I said no. He told me he thought I was because he saw me using my warrior spirit to subdue my enemy. I told him thanks for the word about having a warrior spirit and walked away.
That next morning I went to church with zero oppressive thoughts for the first time in weeks, but feeling exhausted physically and spiritually. There is a woman at church who is deeply into Bethel and the word of faith doctrines. I don't know her, but just know of her. Never spoken to her. She came up to me after service and asked if she could talk to me. I said sure, and she told me that she had seen my face last night while doing dishes, and God had told her to give me a word and pray for me. In a nutshell, her word was that my recent battle was part of equipping me and continuing to strengthen my weak spots for the work God has ahead for me, and then she prayed for a refreshing of my spirit and strength.
A few thoughts come to mind about my recent experience.
1. I am disappointed that it did not occur to me to share what I was going through and get more people to pray for me. Rather I hunkered down and fought alone.
2. Also, it challenges me, that a seemingly accurate, refreshing, and genuine word of God comes not only through a stranger (that part makes it seem more legit), but through a woman whose doctrines I believe are in serious error as I overhear her all the time speak of claiming and professing healing, and all the word of faith/Bethel ideas.
3. How shocking that an innocent encounter can somehow invite a demonic onslaught.
In regards to my disappointment that I did not respond by reaching out, I have chosen to ensure I move a couple of close friends into a prayer group that prays for each other, and keeps each other accountable to share what we are going through. This way, even if it does not occur to me to reach out to them, they reach out to me.
As for the woman who gave me the word. I don't believe my other friends who I have that I believe their doctrine is sound would be open to the idea of such a thing, so that might be why God did not use them. He used the vessel who is willing and open to the idea. I'm not sure, but that's where I am at for now.
With the last thought, I'm not sure what else to think other than its just the way it is. Its a bit eye opening.
I share this for those who find it interesting, or may wish to weigh in.
A few weeks ago, I was at my physical therapist who treats me for my military related injuries. I have seen her off and on for many years. I know she is into yoga and other spiritual type stuff, but it has never come up. She knows that I am a Christian, we have our therapy appointments, and there has never been an issue.
At this last appointment, we finished early, and I still had about 10 minutes left in my one hour block. She told me that she had been learning craniosacral massage recently, and asked if I wanted to try it. She explained that it is relaxing scalp massage, and she has been thinking of moving into using it as therapy for veterans with PTSD. I said I'd try it.
Physically, it felt nice. I suppose who wouldn't like a scalp massage. But halfway through I suddenly felt extreme discomfort in my spirit and mind, it was almost physical it was so strong. I began to pray, not knowing what was going on. The massage still felt physically good.
After the massage, she asked how it was, and I told her it felt good. She then went on to tell me how the massage technique incorporates a spiritual aspect to it and she uses energy connections while giving the massage. There was more to it than that, but I don't remember it all. It made me realize why I might have felt spiritual discomfort.
I left the appointment feeling physically great, but spiritually off. I could not put my finger on it. From that evening, and over the next several weeks I experienced the worst intrusive thoughts I have had in years (new things, but mostly attacking my weak points from my old life - drugs, alcohol, and sex cravings). Crazy thoughts and urges battled me, to the point I feared I would give in! I began to pray constantly, my sleep was off, even my wife commented about how worn out I was looking. I felt exhausted, and noticed I began to be short with people and angry. Additionally, my mind became cloudy, and I found myself struggling with reading and discerning the Bible.
I just continued to pray, and push on in life. Given that I was mentally not able to study much, I turned to finishing an office I am building in my house. The manual labor was easier, and the whole time I spent praying and fighting in my head as I was having intrusive thoughts 24/7 at this point.
Finally, late last week, things began to breakthrough it seemed, and a couple of interesting things happened. First, I went to a lumber yard on Saturday to get some things for the office, and I was lost in my head. When I pulled up, there was an employee there who was Native American. He asked me as soon as I got out of my truck if I was a cage fighter, to which I said no. He told me he thought I was because he saw me using my warrior spirit to subdue my enemy. I told him thanks for the word about having a warrior spirit and walked away.
That next morning I went to church with zero oppressive thoughts for the first time in weeks, but feeling exhausted physically and spiritually. There is a woman at church who is deeply into Bethel and the word of faith doctrines. I don't know her, but just know of her. Never spoken to her. She came up to me after service and asked if she could talk to me. I said sure, and she told me that she had seen my face last night while doing dishes, and God had told her to give me a word and pray for me. In a nutshell, her word was that my recent battle was part of equipping me and continuing to strengthen my weak spots for the work God has ahead for me, and then she prayed for a refreshing of my spirit and strength.
A few thoughts come to mind about my recent experience.
1. I am disappointed that it did not occur to me to share what I was going through and get more people to pray for me. Rather I hunkered down and fought alone.
2. Also, it challenges me, that a seemingly accurate, refreshing, and genuine word of God comes not only through a stranger (that part makes it seem more legit), but through a woman whose doctrines I believe are in serious error as I overhear her all the time speak of claiming and professing healing, and all the word of faith/Bethel ideas.
3. How shocking that an innocent encounter can somehow invite a demonic onslaught.
In regards to my disappointment that I did not respond by reaching out, I have chosen to ensure I move a couple of close friends into a prayer group that prays for each other, and keeps each other accountable to share what we are going through. This way, even if it does not occur to me to reach out to them, they reach out to me.
As for the woman who gave me the word. I don't believe my other friends who I have that I believe their doctrine is sound would be open to the idea of such a thing, so that might be why God did not use them. He used the vessel who is willing and open to the idea. I'm not sure, but that's where I am at for now.
With the last thought, I'm not sure what else to think other than its just the way it is. Its a bit eye opening.
I share this for those who find it interesting, or may wish to weigh in.
